No Schadenfreude Here

As a born and bred Michigander, even one who didn't attend U of M, it's second nature to root for only bad things to befall just about anyone associated with the Ohio State University football program, Chris Spielman excluded. I am not alone. I cannot think of one person living in this state who isn't still laughing at Maurice Clarett. I must draw the line though at Troy Smith.

You may be wondering what is so wrong in the life of Smith, the Buckeye's starting quarterback, that I will include him in my prayers this coming Monday, the Day of Atonement. Smith is the early consensus pick to win this year's Heisman Trophy. Whichever team has the first pick in the 2007 NFL draft, especially if it needs a quarterback, will take Smith. Millions of dollars in salary and endorsement deals will shower upon this young man. If the team plays in a metropolitan area with a suburb named Troy, that's all the better for marketing possibilities. The only problem in this whole equation is that the team charging its way into this likely scenario is our own Detroit Lions.

Yesterday morning I awoke thinking that the Lions would have a chance against the Green Bay Packers. Even at 0-2 entering the game, the Lions were seven point favorites. I knew however after perusing the Sunday sports section that the Lions had no chance. After all, in a takeoff of a regular Sports Illustrated feature, the Detroit Free Press asked four Lions some questions about their tastes in modern entertainment. Two of the four said that the worst television show was "Seinfeld." That question alone showed that this team is too stupid to win. Yes, the Guarantor was one of the idiots.

What does all of this mean for Smith? If the Lions' recent history of top picks is any indication, Smith will, through no fault of his own, develop terrible work habits, a selfish attitude and an utter apathy for responsibility. Even worse, if the Lions' quarterback history tells us anything, Smith's name will be relegated to the dustbin of history, along with those of Eric Hipple, Jeff Komlo, Chuck Long and Andre Ware.

Troy, if you're reading this, here is some advice: Fake an injury. Don't make it anything serious that pro teams will not want to ever touch you. Just make it something that will prevent you from playing a few games with enough time to show your stuff at season's end so you can still be a first-round pick. I know that it may cost you a few million dollars initially by dropping, but I have no doubt you will make it up in both money and career achievements in the long run. Besides, maybe with you on the sidelines, Coach Tressel will start Justin Zwick.