There are those voters who have that one issue that trumps all when deciding who gets their votes for president of this great country. For some, it's abortion. For others, it's gun rights. Some put the environment first while others' primary concern is their own financial well being. With the next presidential election almost sixteen months away, I have decided that, for the very first time, I too will be a single issue voter. What is my most paramount, burning issue that I hold dearest above all, you may ask. You may.
As of today, July 11, 2007, Slurpee Day, whichever candidate first pronounces his or her sincere appreciation for the importance of the most wonderful, effervescent beverage in the world gets my vote. I want, no I demand, a president who will give the Slurpee the honor it so richly deserves. Today, 7/11, should be a national holiday. Access to a Slurpee at any time should be a constitutional right, not just a privilege. It is also a great example of the great melting pot that is this country. For example, if you want to meet an Indian in Delaware, you merely have to go to the nearest 7-11. Just ask Joe Biden.