Glad He's On Someone Else's Payroll

Air, friend, fellow blogger and, most importantly, co-MNFBBQ member, has been conspicuously absent from blogging duties lately. Some of us have worried that he might actually be working while at work. It was with great relief that I received an e-mail from Air today with a link to a most exciting website. That's right, the MNFBBQ now has its own website. While I have already posted it as one of my favorites on the right side of this site, you can get to it here.

Our Own Richard Kimble

This is a true story. Only the names have been changed, to protect the innocent and the guilty.

A few weeks ago, while walking to shul for mincha on Shabbat afternoon, I encountered our next door neighbor, Aaron, walking with Steven, his oldest son, age fourteen, and a guy who looked to be about my age, maybe a few years younger. Aaron introduced me to the stranger, Elijah, who said that he was living in downtown Detroit while attending University of Michigan law school. Elijah seemed kind of strange but I didn't think much about it afterwards.

Aaron told me the next day how he and his wife, Anne, came to host Elijah. Around Passover, a family with whom our neighbors are friends met Elijah in a local kosher grocery store. The wife and Elijah got to talking and she invited him to spend Shabbat with her family. A few weeks later, that family made a bar mitzvah, which was why Elijah and his fiancee stayed next door to us.

Last Wednesday, while I was still at work, Lesley answered a knock at the front door. She opened it to find Elijah and his fiancee, whom she had not met yet, asking to see our house, which we are selling. She asked who he was and he said that he had met me and was friends with our neighbors. She said the place was not totally clean but he said that it was not a big deal since he and his fiancee were both slobs. I arrived home just as Lesley finished giving them the tour. We sat and talked for a few minutes, during which Elijah said that they really wanted our house, either to rent, buy or a combination of both. I told him that I would seriously consider any offer.

I saw him again on Shabbat afternoon as he exited our neighbors' house, where he was again staying. He told me how he wanted to get together to make an offer. When he asked what I would be doing that night, I told him that I would be watching the Pistons game. When he tried to invite himself to watch it, I said I wasn't sure where I would be watching. I actually knew that I would watch it at home but had no desire to spend time with him socially, just to sell him my house. He seemed like a nice guy but very strange.

Yesterday, Lesley and I were watching television (we're watching the first season of "Lost", which is great) when Anne called. She told me that Elijah told her and Aaron during Shabbat that he served five years in prison for a drug conviction. The problem was that his name did not appear on the Michigan or federal department of corrections inmate search. There was someone, though, with the same last name but a different first name who looked awfully like Elijah. His first name was Norman. Instead of a drug conviction, Norman had done a few years for home invasion. Also, he is currently violating his parole. The violation went into the corrections system on April 18, 2006, right around the time the Norman/Elijah first met our neighbors' friend and started spending nearly every Shabbat and Sunday afternoon in the community.

We found a few other things. I ran both first names with the last name on a site my company uses to find people. There was no record of either name ever residing in Michigan. I also ran Norman/Elijah's last name on the University of Michigan student/faculty directory. Neither first name appears. When Anne told me that Norman/Elijah said that he attended Brown University for undergraduate, I called a friend who went there. My friend also found no record of either Norman or Elijah. Lastly, at least two local retail establishments have told Anne that Norman has bounced checks in the past week or two.

Needless to say, this raises serious questions and concerns in our minds. First and foremost, this guy has been throughout our entire house. He knows the layout as well as the fact that our dogs, for as intimidating as some might think, are very friendly and would not hurt a fly, even if one of them has been guilty of stealing and eating hot dog buns. We have obviously started locking our door at all times, even when we are home during the day and would normally otherwise leave it unlocked.

It also raises the question of whether, according to halacha, it would be appropriate for us to report this guy to the authorities. Last night I posed this question to our rabbi, who said that reporting would only be permissible if the guy is a threat to people. Not having seen his court file yet, I don't know whether he is a threat, but I intend to look into that tomorrow while downtown.

Of course, the real home invader might have been a one armed man whom Norman is trying to bring to justice.

Rest In Peace Skull Cracker

A character actor is one who makes a career of playing supporting roles. The audience usually knows a character actor as "Hey, it's that guy from...." Few character actors could hold a candle to Paul Gleason, who passed away this weekend.

You probably remember Gleason as Clarence Beeks in "Trading Places" or Richard Vernon in "The Breakfast Club" or Dwayne Robinson in "Die Hard". The bottom line is that you remember him. For a deserving retrospective on Gleason's career, click here.

Gay, Blind, What's The Difference?

Apparently there is little difference according to this newscaster.

Pot Meet Kettle

Al Sharpton has found a new cause in the upcoming Alabama Democratic party's gubernatorial primary race. One candidate denies the Holocaust while another advocates killing illegal immigrants to prevent them from entering and settling in the state. Sharpton wants the party to bar the two candidates from running. Sharpton's demand, while sounding all nice and good on its face, is preposterous.

Unless the candidates violate a particular rule or are ineligible for office, it would violate their constitutional rights to free speech, no matter how repugnant they are. Like it or not, it's a fact that even avowed racists can run for elected office. The most a political party can do is distance itself from and renounce the candidate, much like the Republican and Democratic parties did with Klansmen David Duke and Tom Metzger respectively. The party cannot, however, decide who can and cannot run.

Sharpton's demands ring especially hollow given his own history. With incidents like the Tawana Brawley hoax and Freddie's Fashion Mart riot and public references to Jews as "bloodsuckers" and "white interlopers" in his past and nary an apology, he lacks the moral authority to have any say on who else gets to run for office.

What About Hurricane Zwicker?

The World Meteorological Organization just released the following names for this year's hurricane:

Alberto
Beryl
Chris
Debby
Ernesto
Florence
Gordon
Helene
Isaac
Joyce
Kirk
Leslie
Michael
Nadine
Oscar
Patty
Rafael
Sandy
Tony
Valerie
William

Despite the misspelling, Lesley and I couldn't be prouder.

Talking Baseball

Some random thoughts on our national past time:


Last night, after coming home from our shul dinner and talking to Lesley, who is in Louisville for a funeral, my plan was to get to bed early. I couldn't get myself to go to sleep though because I wanted to watch the end of the White Sox-Twins game. I know the season is not even a quarter done and that the Tigers are a young team that has great long term potential but not necessarily staying power for this season. Nevertheless, I cannot help but follow on a daily basis not only our beloved Tigers but their pursuit of the pennant.

As I've previously written about Barry Bonds, I have no love for Mr. Big Head and his potential passing of Henry Aaron as the all time home run leader. Bonds' next swing could vault him past Babe Ruth for number two on the alltime list. Baseball analyst extraordinaire Peter Gammons has thankfully provided some perspective on the matter in an interview on ESPN Radio. I can't find the quote online but Gammons basically said that, in a few years, this will hopefully not be much of an issue. After all, Alex Rodriguez is speeding up the left lane of the record books and Albert Pujols look like he could easily lap them all.

Last week, former pitcher and current baseball announcer Rick Sutcliffe was in Petco Park with comedian Bill Murray to catch the Padres-Cardinals game. The producer for the local broadcast invited the obviously drunk Sutcliffe into the studio. I don't know what the producer was thinking, but he owes someone an apology. Sutcliffe was not there in an official capacity. In fact, it's pretty clear from watching and/or listening to the feed that Sutcliffe lacked most of his capacities. I must admit that when Joe Namath went live on the air that I found it somewhat amusing. For some reason, I just found it painful to listen to Sutcliffe. He is a good announcer and seemingly good man. He clearly didn't know what he was doing and just embarrassed himself and his family. Why nobody stopped him or, even worse, actively invited him to make a fool of himself, is beyond me.

Is it just me or is Kerry Wood always coming off the disabled list, entering the disabled list or spending time on the disabled list?

Are You Experienced?

This is an actual quote from the Detroit Lions regarding why the team doesn't have cheerleaders: We believe the game-day experience at Ford Field is one of the best in the NFL.

Missed Opportunity

Last night I went to see "Protocols of Zion" at the Detroit Jewish Film Festival. The movie is a documentary by Marc Levin. The idea for the file arose when Levin was riding in a New York City taxicab soon after September 11, 2001. His driver told him that no Jews died on that tragic day because a cabal of Jews were behind the plot and therefore told all other Jews to avoid the World Trade Center. The driver further told Levin that his source was the infamous "Protocols of the Elders of Zion," a notorious forgery of the Jewish blueprint to control the world. The conversation prompted Levin to make this film about he origins book's origins and how it still has a life here in America one hundred years after it originated.

I really looked forward to seeing the movie. I had heard great things about it and how it addressed a pressing topic. I wasn't looking for anyone to convince me that anti-Semitism is still alive. I was at the same time still hoping for something that would evoke some emotion. I unfortunately walked away with nothing but disappointment.

The main aspect that caused the movie to come up short was its choice of interview subjects. With a few exceptions, most of the people who believed in the forgery or some other form of widespread Jewish conspiracy were unsophisticated and not very articulate. A common one-word description in my mind was "thugs."

Levin obviously wanted to show how ignorant people can be in their anti-Semitism. Even so, the scenes where Levin interviewed a skinhead who runs a mail-order Nazi paraphenalia or a white separatist who hosts a radio talk show host and an anti-Semitic website, both of whom were very articulate albeit misguided, came across as much more chilling and alarming. If Levin wanted to really inspire his audience to action, which was clearly his goal since he doesn't even feign objectivity or detachment from the debate, someone like David Duke would have been much more effective than some twenty year olds standing on a street corner in Patterson, New Jersey. Levin instead took the easy route.

Levin also coasted on getting the Jewish angle. For example, in the beginning of the movie, Levin approached a seemingly very religious man on a Boro Park street an asked him whether he knew what the "Protocols of the Elders of Zion" was. Levin expressed his shock that this fellow Jew had never heard of it. Of course, Levin took the easy route by asking this question of a person who lives in a sheltered community.

At the end of the movie, Levin did some more "Jew on the street" interviews with attendees of New York City's Israel Day parade. Of all the people there, Levin featured a kippah-wearing man, with a Meir Kahane poster directly behind him, yelling that all Arabs are evil.

Meanwhile, Levin failed to feature Rabbi Marvin Hier, the founder and director of the acclaimed Simon Wiesenthal Center and one of the most effective and respected opponents of anti-Semitism. It's not as if Levin didn't have the opportunity to interview Rabbi Hier. After all, Levin interviewed Pastor Ted Haggard of the National Association of Evangelical Christians at the Wiesenthal Center. Throughout the interview, Rabbi Hier was standing just a few feet away in the background.

Besides the intellectual shortcuts, my other issue with the movie was the prominent role that Levin's father played in accompanying his son throughout the film. Levin starts his journey by going to his father's house. Prominently displayed on his father's wall is a poster of Che Guevera, Fidel Castro's strongman and a socialist and communist icon in his own right. Later in the movie, Levin's father tells how he became an atheist at a young age. His father is still an atheist. While I respect the paternal bond, Levin's message about confronting anti-Semitism rings somewhat hollow when his mentor and partner in this very movie holds view that are quite corrosive to the Jewish people's survival, both physically and spiritually.

Levin had a great premise from which to start. He sadly had no shortage of material to use. It's just too bad he chose poorly.

I'd Love To Change The World

This week's issue of Time has a list of the "100 men and women whose power, talent or moral example is transforming the world." The list contains some of the usual suspects, like President Bush, Pope Benedict, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Bill and Melinda Gates. (By the way, have you ever heard anyone refer to Melinda Gates as her own person and not just as part of the monolithic "Billandmelindagates"?) Love them or hate them, a number of the people on the list make a difference in the world.


Some of the people on the list though left me wondering. Take super model Tyra Banks, for example. There is no doubt that the woman is beautiful. She may also be both very nice and extremely professional, as fellow super model Heidi Klum writes in the essay that each of the list members gets. But does Tyra Banks really change the world in any way? If she were to die tomorrow, would the world outside her immediate circle of friends and associates really be that different?


The same goes for Reese Witherspoon, who is also on the list. Even before she won her recent Academy Award for "Walk The Line", the biography of the great Johnny Cash, I usually enjoyed her movies. However, I don't really see how she changes the world. If Reese Witherspoon were to have never existed, I just don't see how different the world would be.

Please don't accuse me of sexism just because the two examples I chose are female. I feel this way about actors and singers in general. There certainly are exceptions. I may not like all of George Clooney's politics, but he provokes discussion. I don't always agree with Bono's ideas about solving the world's woes, but he at least investigates the issues first hand and thoughtfully analyzes the relevant data and information. On the flip side, Charlie Sheen should be publicly analyzing and opining on nothing other than what inspired his masterful portrayal of Ricky Vaughn.

Revenge Of The Unoriginal

I'm a big fan of "Revenge of the Nerds", at least the original and not the little I have seen of the countless sequels on cable television. The original is even currently on the short list of movies I'm considering showing when I host MNFBBQ in a few weeks. That being said, it's ridiculous that a remake is reportedly coming soon.

Hollywood is almost totally devoid of originality. With a few exceptions, like Charlie Kaufman ("Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and "Being John Malkovich"), David Fincher ("Se7en" and "Panic Room") and M. Night Shyamalan ("The Sixth Sense" and "Unbreakable"), the movie industry seems full of writers and directors who are incapable of a new idea. Remaking "Revenge of the Nerds" is just one more example of copying a successful idea rather than having a new one.

Here is a list of the top ten grossing movies of 2005, with their "sources":

"Star Wars: Episode III"-sequel/prequel
"The Chronicles of Narnia"-book
"Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"-book/sequel
"War of the Worlds"-remake
"King Kong"-remake (for the second time)
"The Wedding Crashers"-original
"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"-book/remake
"Batman Begins"-comic book/prequel
"Madagascar"-original
"Mr. & Mrs. Smith"-original

The movie industry questions why people aren't going to the theatre as often as in the past. Other entertainment options, like the Internet and higher quality home theater accessories, are certainly factors. So is the price. Lack of originality just may have something to do with it too.